Groovy poster, which as always is badly misleading
The next in Chris Goodwin's Top 666 Horror Movies, this is number 662, and quite a bizarre little film it is too. This was my first viewing of one of Andy Milligan's movies, although some of his movies were known to me by their titles. Between 1965 and 1989 he made nearly 30 movies, and some regard him as one of the worst movie directors of all time.
Among his oeuvre are greats such as Depraved! (1967), The Filthy Five (1968), Gutter Trash (1969), The Man With Two Heads (1972), and one of my favourite titles of all time: The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!(1972). I like the implication of this, that werewolves are a problem, but wait until the rats get here, then you'll see some troubles, buster!
Anyway, back to The Ghastly Ones. Thanks to the wonderful Something Weird Video, I can see this no-budget piece of rubbish in as perfect condition as one could hope. The print is scratched and battered, but most of the film's shortcomings come from the cinematographer, which was also Andy Milligan. Shots are often out of focus, either under- or over-exposed and frame composition is definitely not a strong point. The editing is atrocious, and as you might expect, the acting, set, costumes and special effects are reflective of an auteur pursuing a personal vision with little money, minimal talent, and no actual idea of how to do what he's doing. It's wonderful.
The costumes are a particular joy, as the women's dresses are so over-patterned that they are in danger of triggering an acid flashback. Although this is clearly set in the early 20th century, the three sisters all seem to own totally inappropriate slinky night attire that leaves little to the imagination. Also the wallpaper in the house is mainly bonkers too. It's a visual riot. [update: apparently Andy Milligan was responsible for the costumes too. It seems that at one point he had his own dress shop on 42nd Street. Apparently he offered 'creative fashions' and had an 'aggressive artistic attitude', according to the DVD booklet.]
For all its faults, The Ghastly Ones is great fun, and at no point during its meager 71 minutes running time, was I bored or unduly confused by what was happening. I've seen plenty of big studio films that are really no better than this one, but have had millions lavished on them.
The story is set around the turn of the 20th century, which is something generally assumed by the fashions worn by the characters. The costumes look like they have come straight from a local am-dram society, and the actors seem to have come from the same place. Everybody does as well as they can, but it's all broad dramatic brushstrokes and nothing particularly challenging.
The doomed couple and their giant parasol
The vicious killer who doesn't feature in the rest of the feature
In a short prologue, a young couple are enjoying a nice day out on a private island somewhere in New England or somewhere. The young man wanders off to look around, and is soon disemboweled by a mysterious and murderous stranger. Then the girl is similarly dispatched. After this, these two victims are never referred to again, and we never see the murderous stranger again. It seems Milligan just wanted to give us a taste of the location, and the fun we have to look forward to.
The main story concerns three married young sisters, Victoria, Elizabeth and Veronica. They have been invited to attend the reading of their father's will, who died some years before. All three travel with their husbands to the lawyer's office in New York. The lawyer, who is meant to be very elderly, is as convincing an old man as I have ever seen, in a school production of A Christmas Carol. The actor (Neil Flanagan) has the most preposterous nose hair and eyebrows ever seen.
Nose hair out of control alert!
According to the will, which 'Lawyer Dobbs' reads in his best crotchety-old-man-from-a-1970s-TV-period-drama voice, it seems that their father didn't love their mother, and that the family house was never the scene of happiness or genuine love. Therefore, according to the provisions of the will, "each of you, and your husband, shall reside at the Crenshaw House, in sexual harmony, for the period of three days." Nice. After this
time the lawyer will appear and more documents will be presented that
will decide who gets what. Obviously, we know that the three days won't pass smoothly.
Yes, you're smiling now, but you won't be for long
At the house the sisters meet the Trasks; ugly sisters Hattie and Martha, and frustrated half-wit brother, Colin. There aren't enough Colins in the movies, but I don't think many real Colins will want to claim this one as a screen idol. He really is witless and has teeth only slightly better than Shane MacGowan.
Hattie and Martha. See what I mean about the dresses?!
Crazy half-wit Colin and the crazy wallpaper
Don't interrupt me while I'm acting, you funny-looking person
The plot isn't much to write home about, being a typical 'family secret' mystery slasher. The three couples try to settle down in the old house, but (not very many) strange things happen, such as a dead rabbit turning up in someone's bed, an X being painted on someone's door, and someone else being poisoned, but not dying. Things start to hot up a bit when one of the husband's is disemboweled in the basement by a figure in a pointy hood and cape, and then when dinner is served, a woman's head is the main course.
Dinner is served
I won't give away the ho hum 'surprise' ending, but it isn't much of a surprise. The movie is standard in many ways, but what really raises it up, to about knee level, is Milligan's utterly incompetent photography, and performances that range from acceptable to bizarre. Particularly of note are the aforementioned Colin, dumber than the dumbest dodo I've ever seen in a movie; and bumbling sister Hattie, who manages to be both sinister and sympathetic as she tries to keep things on track. A very strange-looking woman, she is constantly trying to get Colin to do the simplest things, but as he is utterly stupid and bad-tempered she has to be lashing him with a belt every five minutes.
Obviously this is a deeply amateur production, but it does move pretty fast, and is full of wonderful mistakes and ineptitudes that make it very entertaining. Not sure I could recommend it, but if you like the Ed Wood kind of thing, you'll probably enjoy this.
Before I forget, I'd like to recommend a TV channel. Not something that happens everyday, but I have a bit of a soft spot for Talking Pictures TV. It's on Virgin 445, Freesat 306, Freeview or Youview 81 or Sky 328. This channel specialises in British TV and movies from the 1930s to the 1980s or thereabouts. The majority of its content comes from the 1950s and 60s. The really good thing is that there's a lot of obscure, unsung stuff, as well as classics. Crime, war, comedy, westerns, horror, monster movies, everything. If you have any interest in British cinema, give it a go. There is a smattering of American stuff, but it usually has a strong British connection. Have a look: https://talkingpicturestv.co.uk/
Hell is a City is a film I have on DVD, but is just the kind of thing Talking Pictures TV would show, a largely unknown but still well regarded British crime thriller from 1960. The city of the title is not New York or London, but Manchester. I wonder how many other crime thrillers are set in Manchester? Not many I'd warrant, but I'd love to see more if they're as good as this one, a potent mix of film noir and 'kitchen sink drama'.
First off, a flaw for me is the star. I've never warmed to Stanley Baker. He's like a thoroughly unsympathetic Sean Connery, and it's a testament to the quality of this film and his performance in it that I like him a lot more now. The fact is that there's many a great actor made crappy films, and many second-rate actors have done classic movies, so you just have take it as it comes, and judge on its merits.
Stanley Baker and Billie Whitelaw
Apart from Baker, there are a lot of other well-known faces. Donald Pleasence, Billie Whitelaw, Warren Mitchell, George A Cooper (who some may remember as the grumpy caretaker Mr Griffiths in Grange Hill), and an uncredited appearance by Doris Speed, who was just about to become a household name as Annie Walker in Coronation Street.
The director is Val Guest (1911-2006), who directed some real corkers in his time. The Quatermass Experiment (1955), The Abominable Snowman (1957), The Camp on Blood Island (1958), Expresso Bongo (1959), The Day The Earth Caught Fire (1961) and When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1970). He also directed and wrote the screenplay for Cannon & Ball's "hilarious" "comedy" The Boys in Blue (1982), but we shan't hold that against him.
Guest also wrote the screenplay, which is based on a novel by Maurice Procter (1906-1973). Procter served as a policeman, and his direct experience of crime and police work brought some realism to his novels. I have a copy of this, but it's one of my many unread books.
The action moves along at a cracking pace, and doesn't let up for a minute. Baker plays Detective Inspector Harry Martineau, a hard-boiled Manchester copper with a marriage on the rocks and a bad temper. Straight away we learn that a villain Martineau put away some time before has broken out of jail and may be heading for Manchester, bent on recovering hidden jewellery from the robbery that put him away.
John Crawford as Don Starling
Weirdly, but typical of the period for some reason, Don Starling is played by an American actor (John Crawford), which is oddly jarring. I think he's trying to do a British accent, but it's not convincing. Turns out he is headed to Manchester and soon contacts his old firm. They're not overly glad to see him, but he soon convinces this motley crew that he has a surefire way to get plenty of money, and get out of their hair with the help of cash and a fake passport. The scheme involves robbing book-maker Gus Hawkins' takings from the office girl who takes them to the bank every week. During the robbery, the gang are obliged to kidnap the girl, because she's got the bag chained to her wrist. Driving away from the scene, Don is a bit too handy with the cosh, and shuts her up permanently. The gang unceremoniously dump her body by the side of the road on the moors, where they are observed by a travelling salesman played by Warren Mitchell.
"Has some bastard been passing me snide money?!" - Donald Pleasence as Gus Hawkins
The salesman phones the police, and Martineau is soon on the gang's trail, not realising it's Starling he's got in his sights. You have to run to keep up with this stuff. The plot heats up, as Starling calls in favours from many other members of the Manchester demi-monde, including a barmaid who's soft on Martineau. This leads to some marvellous performances from a great cast; Donald Pleasence as Gus Hawkins the shifty bookmaker, Billie Whitelaw (looking for all the world like a young David Bowie) as his cuckolding wife Chloe, and Vanda Godsell as 'Lucky', the barmaid who carries a torch for Martineau.
The only element that I thought held the film back slightly was the relationship between Martineau and his long-suffering and dried-up wife, Julia (Maxine Audley). She doesn't want kids, he does, and they snipe and stab at each other in an infuriating manner. How they ended up together I cannot imagine. There is an alternate ending on the DVD, which I was really glad they didn't use, that relates to this afterthought of a subplot.
Punters at the 'tossing school'
Making the toss
As well as its fast-paced story, Hell is a City makes full use of Manchester's scenery, both urban and rural. From the mean streets of the city centre to the wealthy suburbs, the moors, and those marginal areas where the city meets the country, where grass grows in the streets. One scene in particular made me wonder if it was depicting a real thing. On rocky waste ground, near some rows of working class houses in a poor area where the moors and city merge, a group of local men stage an illegal 'tossing school' (!) in which punters bet on the outcome of the flipping of two coins. With look-outs posted in nearby houses to watch for coppers, bets are shouted, and stakes are collected. The coins are tossed and as they land in the dirt, the winners collect and the losers complain and bet more. This has to be one of the purest acts of gambling, which probably goes back to the birth of money itself, where (mostly) poor men gamble with the money they could be putting by to feed their families, in hopes of gaining a tax-free bundle. All this on the skill-free toss of a coin.
If you have any fondness for black and white British films, film noir, fast-paced crime stories, roof-top chases, top-notch ensemble acting, or just want to see Manchester as it looked 60 years ago, this movie has it all. I'll even throw in a killer jazz score by Stanley Black for good measure.
For an incredibly in-depth look at the people and locations involved in both the book and the film, I recommend this post: http://levyboy.com/hell_is_a_city.htm
Eagle-eyed viewers may notice that George Nixon, the creator of levyboy.com has used images of my copy of the book featured above. This is because all my cover scans are available on flickr.com. I love it when my scans appear in this way, but obviously I prefer it if there's a credit. Not a problem though. Here's a link to my book cover scans, if you like that kind of thing: https://www.flickr.com/gp/jim_and_kerry/9J18X9
There is something that I really love in films, something my wife calls 'badger-poo'. This amusing (or not) term came about when I once tried to describe the ineffable texture of a movie and used a kind of motion of my fingertips, as if I were examining the texture of a substance like flour, or sawdust, or perhaps, badger poo. I suppose this is something that you might see on a nature programme, where Chris Packham or someone may take some dried scat and attempt to tell something about the animal, its health or age or whatever, by close tactile examination of its droppings. Anyway, basically, there are some films which are full of 'badger-poo', not a term I find inspiring, but I can't get away from it now.
Some films are so loaded with a sense of place, a sense of time, a complete world of somewhere that is real, but no longer reachable. A window into a recent past, usually a foreign past, (some places are loaded with 'badger poo'. Berlin, Paris, and Finland are particular examples for me) which I can never see in reality, and only exists in films. Imagine Edward Hopper's Nighthawks (1942) as a movie, for example.
Most of these films are black and white, and most are European. The ones that I have in the front of my mind writing this, are Bob le Flambeur (1956), Coplan prend des risques (1964), M (1931) and Pidä huivista kiinni, Tatjana (1994). There are others, but it's a tough company to join. These are films which all have brilliant stories, but more importantly, they have an atmosphere which I could inhabit. You could cut out all the dialogue and close-ups, and leave me with the scenes, the buildings, the rooms, the lights in the dusk, and I would still be happy to watch. Laitakaupungin valot (2006), that's another one.
A recent addition to this select group of mine is Der Fall (1972), the last film directed by Kurt Früh (1915-1979), probably Switzerland's most successful film director. That brings us to an important point. I think it might be the only Swiss film I've ever seen, although I could be wrong. It's definitely the only movie I've seen that is in Schweizerdeutsch, which adds another element of atmosphere for me. It's German, but not German. Maybe it's even more precise than German, constructed with Swiss cultural precision engineering.
Atmosphere, or 'badger poo', if you prefer
Der Fall is the story of Alfons Grendelmann, an ex-policeman turned private detective, played by Walo Lüönd (1927-2012), apparently one of Switzerland's best-loved actors. Alfons, like many real private detectives, seems to spend most of his time exposing marital infidelity and looking for missing teenagers. He is also lonely, and emotionally reserved; an unhappy man who has reluctantly accepted his lot.
After Alfons leaves the hospital where he has been visiting his sick father, the title sequence sees him take the train back to Zurich. Sitting across from him is an attractive young woman, who he occasionally glances at; with longing or just because she's there, it's hard to tell as his hang-dog expression gives nothing away. The woman plainly feels he is staring at her, so she pulls her skirt to cover her exposed knee. [PS After another look, I'm pretty sure that this woman is Marsha, who we shall hear of again, very soon. A clever bit of foreshadowing by the director]
Then he follows a woman from the train station to a block of flats. As we have no information yet about this character, we don't know what to make of it. As he tails the woman, he is distracted by a policeman who greets him as a workmate, so perhaps he is not just following women for fun.
Before long, we have determined that he is a private detective, and that he shares office space with Fraulein Gretz (Annemarie Düringer, 1925-2014) a woman who runs a freelance secretarial services business. The underlying romantic possibilities between them are a major part of the movie, as they move around each other unable to fully explore their attractions. She tries to take their relationship past the platonic, but he is so distracted and consumed by his work, clearly unhappy to have been driven from the police force for exposing a colleague's criminal behavior.
Annemarie Düringer as Fraulein Gretz
Eventually. he becomes involved with a much younger woman, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. What really makes this film special for me is the minutiae of Swiss life in the 1970s. This period is notable for me as it was still a time where young and old had hugely differing attitudes to life. These days most people in their 60s dress as if they were 25, and have many of the same interests as people much younger than them. In the 1970s, even people in their 40s dressed in conservative colours with sensible and quite drab fashions. The teenagers and twenty-somethings set new trends with long hair, short skirts, flares, bright colours, liberal attitudes to sex and politics. A real generation gap. Swiss society seems quite conservative, so the actions of the young are a real contrast. At one point the detective goes to a bar filled with young people, and seems so vulnerable in his car coat and moustache, next to their blasé, hedonistic attitudes. Alfons is reminiscent of Columbo; dishevelled, smarter than he looks and doggedly determined. The contrast is that Columbo has a wife, although we never see her, while Alfons is deeply lonely and alienated from women. Perhaps he's seen too many infidelities.
Walo Lüönd with Katrin Buschor as Marsha
A businessman comes to Alfons asking for his help in discouraging the demands a young woman he is having an affair with. In the course of the case, Alfons meets the woman, and their relationship has major repercussions. Marsha is a carefree, gold-digging teenager, played by Katrin Buschor, who only seems to have made two films, a shame considering she's so striking, and such a natural actress.
Apart from the main plot, there are dozens of smaller incidents that make the movie memorable. From the strange clients Alfons has to decline, to the architecture and sights of Zurich, and the indoor cycle race that forms the backdrop to the finale. For me, this is a feast of Swiss noir, and a whole pocketful of 'badger poo'.
There is a version of it on YouTube, but that sadly only comes with Hochdeutsch Untertitel. The first six minutes are available though, with English subs. This includes the hospital visit and the credit sequence on the train.
